Being a Dad isn’t all fun and games. Sometimes it starts with fun and games, but then goes down hill reeeeeeaaaaally fast.
We were playing Smash Brothers tonight on the old Nintendo 64. It’s a good game for a 4-year old, as long as you don’t mind teaching your kids senseless violence. Charlie was Mario, I was Yoshi, and Marc was here too, he was Donkey Kong. All was good.
I had just smashed Donkey Kong’s head into the ground, then turned and kicked Mario in the butt. As I watched Mario sail across the screen, I caught the smell. It was a bad smell. A very bad smell. Suddenly all was not good.
Charlie dropped his game control and started heading for the bathroom.
“I gotta poop Dad, I gotta poop.”
That’s when I saw the walk. His knees were bowed out like he was riding a horse, He was on his tip toes moving fast, leaving an invisible wake of stink.
I guess I literally kicked the poop right out of him. Now that’s dedication to a video game.
I chased him to the bathroom and… He didn’t make it.
“Dad, I have a big poop in my pants.”
I helped him onto the pot, and took his pants off. Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Not good not good not good.
I called in the reinforcements.
“Lori, I need backup in here STAT!!”
Lori took over in the bathroom and I headed to the basement to take care of the underpants. I had it all figured out, we have this REALLY big iron sink in the basement which empties right into the basement floor drain which goes right into the sewer. I could just dangle the offending pants under the faucet and the water would rinse the chunks away! viola! I would be done in a snap!
It was a great plan, but unfortunately the execution was very poor.
I held the pants under the faucet and turned the handle. In my exuberance to be done with this job, I sort of overturned the HOT water handle. It’s a very powerful faucet, and the hot water gets very hot very quick because it’s like two feet from the water heater. So, the water shot out of the faucet and hit the underpants really hard causing poop to explode all over the place.
At that point, only one thing came to mind.
“Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…”
The hot steaming water had intensified the pungent stench too. It was a truly awful discovery.
So, now I was going to have to clean poop off the sink, wall, me, etc. This job was getting worse by the second. I looked into the sink, and noticed that the water was rising, nothing was going down the drain! What the @#$^&!!
You know it, the drain was plugged. So, there I was standing over a sink full of steaming hot poop soup while holding a pair of soiled Incredibles underwear with little hunks of poop splattered everywhere.
I decided to take a moment.
And then I took another moment.
Actually, I think I took several moments.
And then I began to unclog, clean, and scream bad words.
As I was finishing, I heard a small voice behind me.
“Daddy, whatcha doing?”
That’s when I realized, I just went through this whole ordeal to save a pair of $1.00 underpants. Next time, straight to the garbage can.
OMG that is so funny. I wouldn’t believe all of that could be true, but having two boys too, I SOOOOO believe everything and have been involved in similiar situations.
As Jenny and I say, “Its funny…. because it’s true”
Heh, that’s what I have to look forward to, eh? Greeeeaaaat.
You should check out some of Kevin’s posts over at his blog.
personally I would have went for the beer in the refrigerator next to the sink
Cerpiccio: Is there something you would like to share with us? Thanks for the link….
Dave: It was imperitave that the beer remain hygenically sealed away from the poop.
Keith: Were you still screaming bad words when he walked up behind you?
This is the sort of thing I am not looking forward to.
Fire in the hole! 2319! 2319!
Either that or a new use for the fire pit! It smells like _____ out here! Man, what kind of wood are you burning?!
hahaha:been there, I think it best to just help the boy change his pants with-out too muchof a big deal,laugh about it later in his/your life.