This is my Journey, but you can watch.
Today, I met with an attorney about developing the website for their law practice, then I drove downtown and picked up three 20 pound slabs of dry ice so I can ship 30 three-pound tubs of cookie dough to Louisville Kentucky, then I stopped and picked up three 208 count cases of candy bars to deliver to a choir in Northern Indiana.
When people ask me what I do for a living… I really don’t know what to say.
The microwave in our office runs on the same circuit as several of our computers, printers and air conditioning unit, so when the power drain is too much, it’ll pop the circuit breaker. Using the microwave is a little like playing Russian roulette. The bag of popcorn you wanted for an afternoon snack might turn into a real productivity killer when it shuts down a half dozen computers while everyone is working.
Rachel (one of our sales reps) JUST walked into our office with a Hot Pocket on a plate, and asked, “Does the microwave only blow the power when we do popcorn?”
We laugh, sure she is joking, and Scott replies, “Yeah, it can tell the difference - ha ha.”
She heads back to the microwave, and it occurs to me. I don’t think she was joking.
“Scott, was she joking?”
“I don’t think so”
bwwwaaaahahahahaha.
After hearing the laughter she heads back to our office with the “What’s so damn funny look” on her face that we love so much.
Embarrassed, she admits, “I thought you were telling the truth about the microwave being able to tell the difference.”
BWWWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I’m SOOOOO glad we don’t sell microwaves.
Dear Diary,
I’m still on this island.
I just swallowed a bug.
I saw an Amish Buggy with Neon underglow lights tonight.
I just don’t understand.
I’m not exactly sure what led up to this event, but I’m happy I had my Kodak Digital Camera at my side.
Here is what I know. There was a little bit of drinking going on, actually I think it was alot. The guy in the picture getting his head licked made an off-hand comment after visiting the chocolate fountain (I’m going to paraphrase here)
Lickee:
“Fo shizzle, I think I’m gonna stick my head under that chocolate fountain.”
Licker (that would be the girl with her tongue sticking out):
“If you do, I’ll lick it”
So, I think the rest is history. Click on the picture or this link to see the video.
I compressed this video so it would play a little easier, and I also lightened it up a little bit.
If you want the full resolution version of the video, right click this link and choose “save target as” to save it to your computer.
1. Don’t immediately open your eyes when your three-year old wakes you up with these words: “Daddy, wake up, open your eyes, I have something show you.”
You might find yourself staring into the Bright LCD screen of your LG VX6000 cell phone less than an inch away from your eyeballs. You might not think the LCD screen of a cell phone could be that bright, but try opening your eyes after 6 or so hours of deep sleep. Trust me — VERY BRIGHT.
2. When somebody says “I don’t want to ramble on about this.” Expect the babbling to last at least another 10 minutes.
3. Squirrels don’t do well when they fall into an 30″ deep inflatable pool.
So, Friday morning I get a call from my wife on the cell phone while at the office. I’m only talking to her like 30 seconds when I hear a page from one of my business partners, “Keith, there is a call on line 11 but I need to talk to you first.”
I tell my wife “sorry, gotta go, talk to you later, love you, bye.” in a 2 second burst - she says “love you, bye” as well, and I give my partner a quick call.
“Whassup” i say.
He cuts to the chase and tells me a supplier is interested in some web work and some of the details. He’s been waiting on the phone a couple of minutes and I don’t really want to keep him waiting any longer. So I hurry the conversation so I can grab the blinking line. Without a thought, I burst out, “ok, thanks for the info, talk to you later, love you, bye.”
As I go for the the line, I hear one of my sales reps say “keith, did you say you LOVED HIM!?”
How absurd! “Of course not!” I counter, only to have another one of the sales rep speak up “yes you did! I heard it!!”
Ugh. Must be true. After the laughter, and jokes die down, I try to regain my composure and grab the phone call.
Once i’m through with the call, I figure it’s time to face the music. I duck out of my office and head to his office. I walk in and throw out a “I don’t really love you man.” He looks at me quizically and says “what did i do?!”
“You know, I kinda slipped on the phone earlier.”
“huh?”
“You know, I accidentally said ‘love you’ just before hanging up”
He returns a blank, but somewhat concerned stare. It’s obvious he has NO IDEA what I’m talking about. It turns out he had hung up the phone before I blundered out my goodbye.
What a great way to start the day.
Charlie (my three-year old) was yelling at me the other night.
“I already calm down!!!!”
ahh, the irony…
I walked into my sisters house last night and was greeted by my hyper 7 year old nephew.
“Uncle Keith, Uncle Keith, Did you know in Madagascar there is a lizard that doesn’t have any eyelids. He has to lick his eyes. Isn’t that cool!?”
Dude, I love the way kids think.
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Got to work this morning, and heard that cute little chirping sound that a racoon makes. I followed the sound, and sure enough I could hear a racoon trapped in our dumpster (this happens alot). So I decide to poke my head over the edge of the dumpster to say “Hi little racoon, I’m here to save your life!” As soon as I make eye contact with the little rat, I realize that we have trapped Satan. He starts growling hissing and lunging for me.
So, I start lowering a 2×4 in trying not to hit the evil critter in the head. Before it even touches the bottom of the dumpster, the coon is scrambling up the beam. I drop it and back up - I don’t need a racoon bite today. He climbs to the top, looks over at me, and throws one final growl and hiss at me before heading to the woods.
I have just unleashed evil unto the world.
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Lori and I were watching some of the Louisiana hurricane disaster footage last night. The on-scene reporter did a story on a familiy that decided to ride out the hurricane. They sat by the window and watched the neighborhood get blown away. They lost most of their own house too, but somehow they survived.
The reporter continued “This amazing family has managed to stay incredible upbeat and positive in light of these events.” The camera pulls out to reveal the family standing next to the reporter. I’m expecting to see this happy family with ear to ear smiles. Ya know - the “we just survived a hurricane and are now on national tv” kind of smile. But instead they show this odd backwoodsish family with the deer in the headlights look that kept saying “well not like we could leave anyhow, since we got no gas” & “we just makin’ tha best of a bad situation.”
I feel really bad for the victims of the hurricane and floods - but I think maybe the news channel could have made these people look a little less pathetic.
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Oh, and finally - My brother stole my joke!! and posted in his blog before I could… the nerve.
http://www.ransackery.com/embrace-change.htm
thief.
