I was outside talking on the phone last night about 9 o’clock when my new neighbors walked outside - you know, the ones I believe may be vampires.
The hair on my neck stood up as I watched them walk down the driveway towards me. That’s when it hit me:
A. I was standing all alone outside after dark.
B. I was quite a distance from the front door of my house - and I don’t run so fast.
C. I was’t wearing my steel turtleneck.
D. There wasn’t a single pointy stick anywhere and I was fresh out of holy water.
Turns out, they weren’t interested in me at all, but focused their attention on something on the edge of the road. I hung up the phone and headed over to see what was so interesting.
It was a dead bat. Funny, when I got home from work, I remember seeing several bats circling their house which seemed a little strange for late March. I just figured it was more evidence that we were living next to the undead.
But, maybe I had it all wrong. Maybe these two aren’t vampires, but vampire killers!
Bats circling their house (attacking?) and a dead bat at the end of their driveway (that they may have killed?).
This could be a benefit, especially if the new neighbors that are moving in on the other side of us turn out to be vampires!
Hey Mugsy! This bat knows too much.
Take ‘im out back and silnce him.
Duh, okay, boss.
Perhaps he got scared stiff?!
You actually *own* a steel turtleneck???
Doesn’t everyone own a steel turtleneck?
I think a good *cover* for a vampire would be a vampire killer. Oh, sure, they killed a bat. Uh-huh. That’s like the King in chess sacrificing a few pawns. I’ll bet you looked ‘em in the eye, didn’t you? You’re, like, all hypnotized now and are going to believe everything they say. Pretty soon you’ll be eating bugs.
Ok, ok. Vat do ve have to do to get alittle respect around here!
Us vampires are a dying breed.
Ve vere just morning the loss of our fellow bretheren.
He flew into our car as the vife came back from the blood bank.
Stupid Eugene had no idea vat a car vas.
These old fashion vampires are pests. Ve can’t control dem.
Be vatchin’ the sky at night, ve vatch you!
Oh, and steel tutlenecks, BAH! Ve bites through dem!
Your neighbor,
J